The world as we see is just the tip of an Iceberg.
Questions about my laziness in making a decision on exploring the possibilities of moving out of the country have become very frequent at home. Even friends and supporting seniors are asking about the delay. To be honest, I am not scared. But I am indeed very concerned looking at the time gone by. It surprises me with shock that I am taking so long to clear the cobwebs of doubts and regrets from my life. But the truth is no more a facade or swept under a rug or even locked inside a closet. The truth is an Iceberg, whose tip was only visible but is hauntingly deep.
Watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham today on cable had me drop tears like a leaking tap. I could feel them in unprecedented manner. The exaggeration of life in the movie is inversely proportional to the emotional reality of old-school family in it. No matter how many times I watch it again, the depth of love for the movie is deep beyond my eyesight.
It took a generation in the movie for the family to grow past their grudges to resolve their issues, I am just 6 months deep in my cleaning.
My life is more like that HG Wells's The Time Machine that was build because of the past experiences but it wanted to go into the past to clear the very same experiences. This is not possible. I will only be making myself victim of my own present actions, no matter how genuine, heartfelt and noble.
The iceberg has been hit. Precaution can not be taken anymore. Now the only cure available is swimming across the biting cold water of life by saving my energy for the right things. Once on a safe ship, the life remains the same but a new person will be there to experience everything that I promised to my love for Life.
I write when I feel
I speak when their can be a conversation
I share my thoughts when it is important to document the present for future.
My family, my friends, or my subconscious stories may only see the tip of my personality's iceberg but it is my foundation that ultimately defines my character. My time at home is the tip of that very iceberg which everyone sees and questions with concern, but I only know how I am floating all this very time.
I have endured a lot of Titanic crashes in my foundation because I could not swim. But I am learning swimming. It may be impossible to imagine but evolution is not.