Friday, July 7, 2017

Lazy Priorities

It’s not about having time, it’s about making time.

How far can you test a relationship for your nicety? 
How lost can you be that you disregard time feel yourself safe?
How much spontaneous is too much to live a life that is and will never by itself?

It was a day that was to be build around meeting an old, probably the nicest, friend I have ever made but I mixed it up with my own chores that I selfishly wanted to carry out by using the opportunity to meet that very friend.

I decided examining and killing the colonies of silent destroyers, to do well for my house, when in fact I have understood that the bugs just can’t be eliminated completely and only care can be taken in the form of cleanliness precaution.  I decided to eat along with my family to not have them question my movement, when in fact I could have easily left home earlier, citing the same meeting excuse, especially with the original time of meeting was when I decided to go for a bath. I decided to take the metro and share cab, when in fact I knew it will take the time it took, if a rightful buffer time is taken for traffic. I decided to not call or message en-route to save myself from sorry in the silence, when in fact I must have given her lone company some assurance company on phone call or whatsapp.

If only I had gone with the time, I would not have made a friend wait for three hours in a relatively new city, only to be dropping the bigger shocker of mixing Ambience Mall, Gurugram with the one at Vasant Kunj. Why did I mix the two minimum-half-hour-apart-in-normal-traffic places without even discussing it? If only I had spoken to her over phone and not relied one single word whatsapp. It’s not about courteous to a girl in a still-stranger city, it is about appreciating her giving me time in the friendship.

Action expresses priorities.

Call it even a bigger slap to my reckless attitude towards the much referred ‘nicest person’, as I clearly remember many random instances of my past claims, this friend continue to talk to me over the phone for more than half an hour, for she still cared about my friendship.

How good can one be to be this caring, despite herself being in  a supposedly bad phase?
How lucky can I be to be blessed deserve such a gem of soul, yet not appreciate her presence?

As the call ended, I realised being present in a place I may have been 3 times before, yet feeling rank stranger unlike I have ever felt in my entire life. The call may have ended but I could not feel doing anything joyful. All I wished was that Richa put the complete blame of her pain on me and absolutely zero onus on her life or karma.

What goes around comes back around.

Scared of my karma building anything new around this incident, I think I kind of decided to surrender myself to the universe completely. And the universe did take its beating from me; there and then only.

A photographer contact, from instagram, buzzing me out of blue, about my careless attitude to appreciate his wish to meet me. Eight years younger to me, initially pretending to be straight, he had been inviting me to his room with one time directly sharing his desire to hug and kiss me. I stayed nice but did not give importance to his meeting wish. But yesterday, after his sudden words about taking him for granted, I let him know my location, only to have him send me Heart smileys with information that he is coming to meet me there in an hour. I surrendered to the universe and let him come.

But with no sign of him, or a message or call, even half hour after his mentioned time, I whatsapped him asking if he was coming. But it couldn’t deliver. It was only at 3 and half hours of himself-promised time, did he send a single word reply – “No”. Karma, anyone?

I just couldn’t stop smiling and silently laughing as I read this message as I was outside the mall, taking a feeder bus for metro. It was like Karma not just making me realise the importance of time and value of real people in life, it was also clearing itself up – as a priority that was definitely not lazy.

I however did meet another friend there for about an hour and half in the same place, as I had told him about my travel plan. A contact from Bombay, he is also a nice person. I waited for him too but he was just a few minutes over his promised time. I have no right to even think about same, especially when I had been lazily informing him also about my time schedule. The least I could do was let him go to his gym and then come, as he requested nicely. How could I have ever told him not to go and just come, because I was alone? I was alone because I had screwed up. He probably could not time his gym because I was lazy in informing him about my time.

If it is important, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.

Karma stroked off another guilt building from my life when Ralli called, just as I was getting off my metro station to walk towards home. Sharing with him the day, he smiled and laughed along. He even added how he noticed his brother and his best friend maintaining their friendship even after years of constant bickering. Because the friendship means more than the arguments.

Apparently he felt the same relationship between the two of us in that bickering and called me back. Sharing his past few days, he expressed concern for my job. I will value that and instead of reasoning, will not be lazy in my priorities any more.

You are free to make any decisions you wish. But your are not free from the consequences of that decision.

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