It is interesting surprising how the year 2012 is turning out to be for me. Marching over from previous year and the experiences it blessed me, my resolution this year are more focused and to a certain extent, extremely demanding. I will like to say that I am going full out with the phrase of "the greater the risk, the higher the returns." Not to forget, it is more scary with every height. Not that I am scared of falling, but I am definitely not going for any more blind-shots that may lose my focus.
Nevertheless, one of the most intriguing and interesting fact of our life is that even for the focused and carefully analysed steps, one has to have dreamed about the inception of the basic idea. The 'surprising' part of new year like I mentioned being how even my past two blog posts was related to my dreams. Every new invention or even a new discovery requires a vision which is full of faith in achieving success and patience to keep the belief in self-assessment of one's goals in life, both short-term and long-term. A crazy paradox, but definitely what keeps the adrenalin running to live the life in full.
This brings me to my dreams; dreams that have at recurring times woke me from my sleep. I have this peculiar habit of remembering most of my dreams when I wake up in the morning. The dreams I have are very often than not easily traced by me on what/which previous day event might have transpired it during my unconsciousness, i.e. they are all life related. So a positive dream is easily constructed back on the positives in my life, and so is a nightmare to my negatives or wrong actions or (mostly) regretful events.
One of the nightmare that has all my life woke me up with a body full of anxious perspiration is being chased by bulls in places I love and want to visit after getting success professionally. I realize that I am in the spot of the event, realizing the angry bull with high pointed thorns. Its always dark night time and I am surprising all alone, even in a place like Times Square in NYC or similar place in Shanghai. It is after the fist apparent angry sound of the bull I realize having worn something blood-red. Every time I am running from the havoc they create to the surrounding while chasing me untiringly. Why do I see this?? All I can think every time is bring out a new metaphorical meaning to it and hoping to improve myself and my life, as I always hope, wish and work for.
But it was different last time, good different as I could analyse it. Now the place is the lane behind the one where I live. The bulls are now street dogs, though they looked more like wolves to me with huge teeth and saliva dripping out their jaws for their hunt. Indeed I am running again from them this time with the realization of bloody-mary body clothing only after the first stop for breadth, but for the first time I actually did remove the sweat-shirt and I could very well notice one vicious hunter going bit mellow on his ferociousness towards me. The dream however continues at me then realizing wearing another clothing in the same color, and about to turn to look around the ferocious sound coming from my back when I am sitting on the boundary wall of a house painted with pink color and am still holding the sweat shirt I have taken off. Before I could turn full, I am in the reality of my bedroom and my sweaty blanket.
Another notary mention to my nightmares will be me standing in front of a gathering after being called by name to speak up and me left all their on stage with out of control heart-beats and sweaty body as everyone attention not showing any sign of getting of me. This one in particular has always been responsible for my lack of self-confidence in a public gathering, no matter the gathering having known or unknown faces. The change in the last dream involved everything similar with sweet change of an extension to this dream where I finally do speak up and get a unanimous applause after I end. However what I could stop noticing was that I was called to speak some self-written shayari. After going through the sweating and heart-beating phase when I did speak, I started by saying that it is something I don't do. I, however, continued speaking just as it, apparently in philosophical manner but I don't remember what I spoke. It was as if the screenplay of my dream had a quick fade transition to the end of my speech where I could just the applause from people and being told by someone known that I was really good when I tell him first that I had no idea of what I was going to do.
The person I am, I can do make up meanings to each and every incident of these two dreams. Their is growth in self-confidence and self-acceptance, their is more clear vision in what I want to do, there is indeed a maturity in how I am following what I really am in my personality and talent and not paying heed to other people's perception of me. In all, a definite positive change.
I am happily blessed with this life but still very scared of the level of patience I am keeping. It is getting tougher every passing day but I also know that I have come a long way and will not give up after such positivism. I have dreamt all my life for my future, I am still dreaming for the right focus and I will continue to DREAM ON.