Thursday, April 26, 2018

Confessions, Symbiont and Time

Venom confesses, "We all have our own problems, our own issues, our own demons."

The demon, that Venom unflinchingly speaks about, is there in every individual as a Symbiont, living a symbiotic life. 'A symbiont is the smaller of the two and is always the beneficiary in the relationship, while the larger organism is the host and may or may not derive a benefit.'

My symbiotic relationship with my demons dates back to as long as I can recall my life in time; never being myself and always someone else's idea of the me, when inside all I wanted was to break free with screaming. All that time, when I let my demons derive the worst from me, I never thought I will be have to face the same time again, as confessions, like the time never moves forward. My time, in all its beautiful blessings, has stayed still, because of the confessions of my demons.

I am no Stanley Ipkiss or Eddie Brock, but the unseen Symbiont in my life refuses to let me go. Today I wish to be the me that I really wanted to. And it kills me with all this pain and loneliness and even laziness as my time keeps moving but I keep falling back. I really want to see my future work without any regret.

It scares me to even write. I am terrified of writing, because every word I form, every sentence I create, will ultimately be recorded in history as part of human's messy language that never conveys the time and feelings of the writer. A tool can be weapon, as per the judgement of the user. So is our language; and even our demons too perhaps.

Can these demons be controlled? The symbiont could have bonded with anyone but only the deepest desire of Ipkiss to be the centre of attention and Brock's rage and frustration could have created Mask and Venom, respectively. Both cases have a symbiont that thrives on their host, it is for them to timely confess to self where their problems, issues and demons rest.

Ipkiss and Brock, though had one more thing in common, apart from the symbiotic relationship - they both had a lady love, to calm their symbiont down. I need to find mine. Will Time as a Karmic entity be same? I can't think anything greater than time.

I have made my time non-linear because of my demons when it should be the me as a host who should work on living a clear life. Say more often what I want to and be myself more and more often, so that my symbiont and me become one.

I know time will heal all demons but with a non-linear life like me, I better get working to find that one love, physical or metaphysical, to not just calm myself down but win over my Symbiont without having to throw it off.

Sitting in a filth that I will wash off, my human language may remain messy but the confessions will never be in linear time frame. I do hope so.

Friday, February 9, 2018

Vikalp Tyagi, "You Better Lie"!

Vikalp Tyagi

What can be said about a 28-year-old guy who recently died? That he was the most fearless journalist his age; never intimidated by anyone to approach for a debate or a discussion. That he loved reading and writing; from poetry to sports; from history to literature; from politics to entertainment. That he had the most contagious energy to make you think that nothing is impossible in life, be it work or love. That he fought with almost everybody; and yet it was impossible to hate him because his fights were never degrading and only meant to reach a factual solution that will make everyone grow. That no adversity in life could ever stop him - till death did him apart from his life.

Vikalp Tyagi, known to all in his Social Group (on and off the Social Media) as Zypsy's Story, passed away on February 6th, 2018. Despite the above tall claims about his life, a trickle-down effect of what can be seen on his Facebook account after his death, Vikalp Tyagi might end up being unknown to the world at large. His amazing experiences, stories and life confessions will now only be passed as word of mouth from everyone who could be a part of his life. But that does not and will never ever make his life even slightly less worthy of not being remembered.

The biggest truth of life is death and yet it can never be easy to accept. I have seen really old people, who have lived a full life, are in their 90s but still are scared to die. Vikalp was only 28-year-old, unmarried, had a girlfriend with whom he often posted couple pics with, loved to travel with friends and enjoyed life in entirety. He was with his family in the last week of his life, very much making them laugh and amazing them with his energy levels. In Vikalp's own words (to his Father), four days before his death, he "slept and rested in his house, unlike anything he ever experienced before in life.".

But Vikalp Tyagi died. How? That is The Question I have been hearing on phone calls and reading on Facebook, Messenger, and WhatsApp.

Somehow, and sadly, I feel anyone who asks this question also has a set of multiple choice answers ready in their mind - no matter how much good they knew Vikalp in person. It is same for everyone, including me, when I ever get to know that someone I knew, close or casually, is no more. But after a visit to Vikalp's family in his hometown Muzzafarnagar, the "How" for Vikalp's death can be only answered by quoting the words of someone who was with him in his last moments.

Vikalp's Father's Best Friend: "Sirf dimaag his to tha uske paas" (translate, "He was all brains")

... and on the fateful night of February 6, 2018, Vikalp Tyagi breathed his last before he died because of BRAIN SWELLING.

If it really matters anyone s to how Vikalp Tyagi lived his last days and moments, they will talk to his family, or friends who visited his family or at least spoke to the family. He was unwell, not sad. Life has given a closure to Vikalp. Time for all of us to at least give our conscious and subconscious multiple choice answers a closure also, if nothing more.

As for me, Vikalp will always be my classmate from PG Journalism. He will always be that classmate I had one of my sharpest egoistic argument with; yet decided to be friends with him (selfishly) after he narrated me his script for a short-film for our College Fest. The narration was so good that I was blown away and had to befriend him. His talent made me see his worth and I got lucky. With time, we became brothers who talked and fought and abused and ate and drank and traveled and danced and had post-midnight drives (bunking during office hours) and had sleepovers together. My last pic with him is also after a sleepover after a get-together at another college friend's home. We did meet many times after that but...

The short-film, Vikalp wrote and directed, which brought us together, lost its soul in the edit. In the edit of my life after Vikalp's death, I will also move on to new laughs despite his forever absence. But the name of that short-film will always be the first thing I will think about whenever I will think of Vikalp Tyagi and his untimely death - "YOU BETTER LIE".

Confessions, Symbiont and Time

Venom confesses, "We all have our own problems, our own issues, our own demons." The demon, that Venom unflinchingly s...