Legacy

Please think about your legacy because you are writing it every day.

Life happens every moment, and sometimes, we got to let it happen and just go with the flow, even if that means too much happen in a single day. I realize today that this ‘happening’ need not necessarily be a an action on a long stretch that is mobile, as in it can be seen and touched. Sometimes, at times many times in a short or very short or even flash of a period itself, a lot can leave an impression within an instance, giving it a life of its own. My past is my legacy, and legacy can be made not just over the years but even a single thoughtful moment.

I saw both near birth and death experiences today and the legacy that they are creating and also leaving behind. From Max’s tumour’s ultrasound to Akshay and Amit’s reaction to his regular doctor on their fear of Max living his last death in depression if he send away in the Dog ICU for observation, everything was heady, considering this was the first time when I not just actually saw Max’s face but petted him with my own hands probably more than his Ralli family. He had surrendered but wanted to live. His eyes were so heavy, yet full of maturity, like he has lived a whole life. He will be turning 11 in October this year, if he survives, God willingly.

Seeing Max near his death and the never ending teary eyes of Ralli, as if he is seeing all his school days with Max, I could feel it in a strange gifted way. And it felt really peaceful in a thankful way. Because he doesn’t know what he has as a legacy to look upon in his thoughts, there are many who can’t even imagine that beautiful feeling, least alone live it.

I don’t know what death is like but I do wish it to be peaceful and even thankful. Karma, I can only hope, for my actions and thoughts. Just like I believe every birth is a with Karma, and the legacy we make every moment, no matter the audience and the sharers.

As Max and Ralli went through fears about death, there was birth taking place in another room. A pug was born and when I saw him, he was being licked by his mother who had previously delivered one alone, one dead and one half developed dead pup and was still carrying two probables in her womb. It was a miraculous event, having to witness the new born pup start barking in less than an hour of birth. How fast their lives are and how quick we can see their legacy. With us humans, it’s just a different and long time, blessing or boon, anything as we see and live it.

I’m creating my legacy.

Over the past few months, I have been living a complete circle of life. Places and events, and incidents and meetings, and discussions and silences, happening all over again, like they want these chapter to be done away from, by giving me another chance to live them in a better way, with better actions and decisions. But today, a lot of these circles were just refusing to match.

Priya’s dadaji’s Kriya location changed, Tanmay not in the city for my wish for Rahgiri, finally getting to eat chhole bhaturey with a fanta and loving my ME time as for the first time I ordered for a refill of the chhole. The orange flavored gum had only the beginning hint of orange, but was all cardamom later – like what life really was. I have to appreciate both flavors of life if I want to taste it for a legacy. I even saw a bigger inflatable pool as I really wanted, and it was near the Punjabi Bagh cremation ground; talk of the coincidence.

You get to decide the legacy that your leave. 

The dreams I see are at times weird but I continue to believe that each of them hold a hidden subconscious meaning about my life and unknown or buried truth and desires.

The evening nap got me to live a dream where a dog (big one like Cheeku) attacking Chuck. I was trying to hold the big one to save the small one, but I was slipping every now and then. And the small one, Chuck, was being hurt in the onslaught. I woke up very abruptly from this dream and after careful thought realised maybe I am trying to hold tight the big dreams, which are out of my control at the moment, instead of just owning the small ones to safety and creating my legacy from these small but under-control dreams. These small dreams when fed and water properly will grow big themselves. For legacy is not about leaving something big but creating something impactful and deep impact can be created by even the smallest of deeds.

I am not afraid of meeting those I have let down in past. I will meet them anyway, no matter the accusation I may receive. At least I will not pile up more guilt and exertion from running. Case in point - Me and Sam.

I am not afraid of walking the same old path again, because my thoughts are different now. And with better thoughts, I see people awake and not asleep. Case in point – Me and the Kashmere Gate route to Noida from home.

I am not afraid of dependence on me not being consulted for route I have lived to and fro more than the total times my family lived through same. I will smile for the legacy I have form the route and I am no more ashamed of any past. Case in point – Read previous point.

I am not afraid of meeting an old hook-up again, because I know I will be respectful over the invite and be strong (positively hopeful) of keeping my point across the table, with an optimism that I will not disrespect and dishearten anyone. Case in point – Me and Arvind.

I am not afraid of saying a sorry for something I was not completely to be blamed for. I will say sorry not to be the bigger person, but for myself to be a stronger person. It’s the future that matters and I will not let a past be ruined from being a good legacy. I have to rise on this much stronger. Case in point – Me and the Family and the Saturday visit to Ichiban, India Gate and bangla Sahib Gurudwara.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.

Leaving Chuck home alone for the first time, even if it was with Deepali, was like feeling traumatised for the baby. I am sure that I will do have a pet as a family one day, and that one day will be when I am happily married with two kids. For Chuck taught me family values of care – care for a family member who can’t express his feelings but still expects companionship and a genuine assurance that he is loved and not alone.

Life is a circle if we want don’t want to leave the safe zone, the zone of past. Because I have realised that when things get tough, I prefer running into past for blame and correction, no matter how bad the past was, instead of living facing the present and creating a better legacy.

My legacy will not be a circle I want to keep revolving around through my writings. Instead, I will work to live like an upward graph, no matter the cross connections of people passing through. Legacy is living bullish with the normality bear.

Live, Love, Laugh and Leave a Legacy.