Last Days

Strike when thou wilt,
The hour of rest, but let
My last days be my Best.

Max has been hospitalized and I am weary about talking about anything with Akshay. Especially because these are Chuck’s last few days with us, and I want to immerse myself in every moment of it – preparing myself well that he is meant to leave me.

Add to that the other Akshay in my life is going through a heavy emotional time, because of his job that he hates. I don’t want to judge the guy, because all his emotions are because of his vulnerability in life. I know this because I have been there, done that – with many people - right from Mansi and Ramit from school days to innumerable guys – in various different levels and vocabulary and actions.

Sahil is also in his last days before he starts his job life, and I feel distant from him. His plans are vapid and I have stopped being possessive about our friendship. I don’t know if it’s bad or is it just my fear of not able to explain them about my life plans. I guess I just want them to have faith in me because I have the same and there will be no last for it.

I wanted to strike out all cobwebs but I did not see that it could be dense beyond my imagination. It feels like middle earth type dense past I left behind but I forgot that life is a cycle and one day I will have to pass through the same route again. 

I am exhausted and tired and in pain and the count of my time at home haunt me most as I live with myself the most. But I just cannot give up. I have taken a lot many times and this last time, I am taking up the fear of the unknown for the one and only right thing – a better and best life.

Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right.