Memoir of a Farewell

 

"Do you even know who goes to church on Thursday? Losers". That's Missy to Mandy in the Season Finale of Young Sheldon. I don't know if this Thursday reference was a hidden Easter Egg but I couldn't think of a better way to start putting my thoughts together to describe what Sheldon, his family, his friends, his teachers and even his arch enemies mean to me. Young Sheldon bid the world Farewell this past Thursday and as much as both Shelly and Dr. Sheldon Cooper will belittle me for my English, it is indeed the End of an Era.

"The Big Bang Theory" and "Young Sheldon" aired on Thursday, the former started in 2007, aired for 12 Seasons till 2029 and the latter had it's run from 2017 to 2024 for 7 Summers. I don't remember how I got into the OG but the Thursdays in USA made my Friday afternoon extremely important. My 3-12 PM Shift during News Editorial days meant I would keep make sure that I download the Torrent for the latest episode by Friday noon, put it on U-Torrent while keeping my Laptop running, so that when I have the latest TBBT episode downloaded upon reaching home by 1 AM. This was the Era when we didn't speak of Internet as even 2G, and downloading a 699MB movie file meant 8-9 hours of the awesome 32KB/s speed. Gladly, even if the download failed at times, I could be up for the entire night and re-start download for an 150MB something TBBT mp4 file. Of course, a lot changed with time, the world got OTT and I could watch it with better quality and zero buffering. Friday download also included the torrent for the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries, but that is for another chapter.

These two shows are essentially all about the being misfits despite being brilliant in their skills and talent. Everyone struggles from something or another challenge - be it emotions, recognition, partnership, health, job and even finances - and yet everyone finds comfort because they never get alone when lonely. There is a sense of longing to belong but the happiness one gets when we are find our tribe by just being ourselves. No one is perfect, even someone as cool as Georgie goes through his thoughts (his final words to his father - living TBBT memory of Sheldon and Georgie opening up while the former met him, with Leonard, to invite him for his wedding).

Even Mary found Jesus when George Sr passed away with "See y'all later". "See y'all later" - the amount of time Sheldon re-imagines the past after these words - it breaks my heart. Its all sings for schizophrenia and yet I don't feel bad about it. Because, unlike any other series, we do know what happens thereafter - Poetic Justice to Sheldon and definitely to his family, friends (new and old), his teachers and even his arch enemies. (Side Note: I laughed on the mention of last two as I re-read the sentence for my first copy-edit, the one during drafting.)

Remember when Sheldon recounts to his mother on the phone that he proposed Amy after Dr. Ramona Nowitzki surprised kissed him, Mary mentions that she must have prayed a little harder for two women to kiss Sheldon in one day. I may sometimes have tough time to not believe in the Creator but the precision of the Universe, while making me cry unbelievably hard at Mary's Eulogy for George, at least makes it logical to conclude that there is a Creator. And it will all be Happy in the end, if I stick to being myself - A Misfit. And having faith does not make me a Loser.

ShAmy did not wait for cloning and got a hockey loving son and acting enthusiast daughter by the old fashioned way, yet Shelly knew that the house he grew up, the chair his father sat, his spot on the living room couch, the dining table where the family ate together - all were gone - and the only right thing was to "taking it all in one last time, so I remember  it when I'm older".

I know this will not be my end with the two series, nevertheless, "See y'all later".

Movie or Life - Brokeback Got Me Good!

There are times when you really want to do something but are scared that you will break doing it, even if you are meant to break. It's like the change that is meant to be for you survival or you will suffocate but you still don't want to change.

Change - the only constant. how weird is the life we live in; the only life we get to live. However when the time comes and you finally take the plunge, it feels good. Good that the emotions you were scared to feel are now a reality and you know what it feels. Belief becomes reality and what can be better than reality - because no matter how harsh is the reality, it is yours to live and make a better future out of it.

Just watched Ang Lee's 2005 Oscar Winning 'Brokeback Mountain' - this film I always wanted to for the past 9 years, since school days, but was really scared. Scared of seeing a glimpse of my imagined wretched future, scared of seeing what I may turn into in my quest for love beyond the physical aspect... scared of myself doing the same knowing how my actions will turn into... scared of being myself I did not and could not understand.

I don't think I can write a review for it but only review my inner war. I am not any of the character, yet I feel I have lived their life. It's weird because how can I live the life of the wives of Ennis and Jack; or for that matter Ennis's 19 year old daughter (as we see her last) or of Jack's parents. But I know I lived their life in my head every single moment of my growing up till date, thinking about the effect of my decisions on the people I love - my family and my friends.

I don't know how I would have been otherwise had past was different, I don't know the 'germ' that moment was first sown.. so I ain't Charles Xavier from Marvel's 'X-Men: Days of the Future Past'. I feel like Alexander Hartdegen from C.W.Lewis's 'The Time Machine' who realised no matter how many time he try to change the past, he will only end up seeing himself hit by his present in one hundred different ways than what 101th which has already happened.

Strangely though, both Charles and Alexander were Professors. *now-smiling*

But now as I finished watching the film, I feel I am a changed man. I know my priorities in life. I know myself. Yes I am very scared, as coming from a very long time of personal struggle, I am reaching the end of my battle with my true self and what the world expects for me to be accepted. But didn't I knew that the ending is always the most trying, just like beginning a journey. I knew that, from Gurbani and from many good books, articles and life experiences I was luckily destined to have my comprehension from. I can not give up now.

As Mitchell reminds Jay in 'Modern Family',

"I don't get it, but if that's who you are, don't you dare be ashamed of it."

Oscar 2014: Who's Bet is it Anyway?

Hollywood gets set to roll out its most prestigious red carpet for cinema’s top prize at the world famous Dolby Theatre at Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, California – The Oscars. A celebration like no other, a prestigious reward unlike any other, the Academy Awards command their respect not just for an 86th edition of tradition to honour the best in world cinema (arguments over American centric bias aside) but primarily because of the doors even a nomination opens for a film to be seen by global distributors and released in world film market and save many a small gems from being lost in obscure gullies. And for an individual, even a nomination gets him/ her a title of “Oscar Nominated” for eternity.

However, it’s the prediction that really makes the cut among the cinema connoisseurs. Art may be subjective to taste but the Academy has always allowed certain precursors to help predict the winner and, let some make hay over a happy quick buck. So let’s get to the nitty-gritty’s of the 2014 edition and try reading the minds of Academy's more than 6000 voting members.

BEST FILM:

Ten films in the fray but it’s a straight fight between Alfonso Cuarón’s Gravity and Steve McQueen's 12 Years A Slave. The Producer’s Guild of America Awards, normally seen as the decider for the big winner at Oscars, did leave all high and dry by jointly awarding both the film. However no 3D or Sci-fiction film has ever won a Best Picture Academy Award giving 12 Years of Slave an edge over Gravity. Gravity is most likely to follow last year's example of Ang Lee’s Life of Pi (2011) model – Director, Technical Awards but no Best Picture.

BEST ACTOR:

Matthew McConaughey’s has been sweeping almost all Best Actor’s awards for his phenomenal performance in Dallas Buyers Club, barring the BAFTA’s where McConaughey did not even land a nomination. The surprise snub was one of the key reason to believe that maybe McConaughey might not be the front runner at all. On the other hand, Leonardo DiCaprio has been kept waiting by the Academy for his elusive win, having lost out on previous nods for What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993), The Aviator (2004) and Blood Diamond (2006). So maybe the Academy might shine on him for his work this year The Wolf on Wall Street. But even 12 Years a Slave's Chiwetel Ejiofor, who surprised many with his BAFTA win, and the mighty Bruce Dern in Nebraska can pull it off too. Remember how Adrien Brody benefitted from the split of bigger stars (Jack Nicholson for About Schmidt and Daniel Day Lewis for Gangs of New York) with his win for The Pianist in 2003.

BEST ACTRESS:

The Year belongs to Cate Blanchett for her spell-binding performance in Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine. She has picked up all awards in the run-up to the big Hollywood night and is sure to walk the stage to collect her second Academy win after her Best Supporting Actress win for The Aviator in 2005.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:

Barkhad Abdi may have collected a BAFTA for his breakthrough début performance in Captain Phillips but its Jared Leto who is expected to win the honours for his turn in Dallas Buyers Club.  He remains a safe bet despite BAFTA failing to nominate him, earning much ire from the fraternity.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:

There is no guarantee Jennifer Lawrence will win the Oscar for her performance in American Hustle but no other woman in this century won the Golden Globe and BAFTA and lost the Academy Award. However, Lupita Nyong'o performance in 12 Years of Slave did win the young performer a SAG in the run-up to the Oscar. So she can definitely spoil the party for Lawrence. Moreover, 12 Years of Slave winning Best Picture (a very likely, as mentioned before) and nothing else definitely seems unlikely. Only three films, The Broadway Melody (1929), Grand Hotel (1932) and Mutiny on the Bounty (1935), have done it before, but none in 78 Years. 5 films, Wings (1927), All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), You Can't Take It With You (1938), Rebecca (1940) and The Greatest Show on Earth (1952), won Best Picture with only single win, though, so that’s possible. So it’s either her or Ejiofor or Best Editing (a major boost for the subsequent Best Picture winner) that may turn the table for the Steve McQueen drama.

Nevertheless, if Lawrence nabs a win in her kitty, she becomes the sixth person in Oscar history to win back-to-back Acting Oscar, after Luise Rainer, Spencer Tracy, Jason Robards, Katherine Hepburn and Tom Hanks.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING:

Once again, the talk comes down to Gravity and 12 Years Of Slave. However, Alfonso Cuarón's likely win is probably the worst kept secret at the 86th Academy Awards with him being seen as the safest bet for Gravity as anyone, along with Cate Blanchett, Jared Leto and Gravity for Best Visual Effects. Moreover, the Directors Guild of America gave him their nod and its hard to get by that. Cuarón will become the first Hispanic to win the Best Director award, even as his nearest competitor Steve McQueen looks out to become the first African-American Best Director winner.

Regardless of all the permutations and combinations, Oscars 2014 is all set to become an year of major upsets and surprises, whether it be Best Picture, Actor, Supporting Actress, Original Screenplay, Documentary feature, Foreign Language Film and Original Song - all too close to call. Surely, one that will bring good response on the Social Media.

Don't Worry, Be Barfi!

कभी न रुकता रे..
कभी न थमता रे..
ग़म जो दिखा उसे खुशिओं की ठोकर मरे..

These lines from the title song of the film probably best describes the feeling that I think I will be having in heart forever for Anurag Basu's Barfi. From watching it first time on the release day among a packed audience in a single screen theatre in one of Delhi's oldest market to watching it 3rd time on screen and still feeling an affection rare to exhibit for a cinema lover like me does spells wonders about a film, I truly believe.

When I first watched the film, it was 'The Notebook' (I strongly believe that you ain't romantic if you have not watched it) and few Chaplin inspired scenes which I had instantly jumped upon. However even less than a minute from the scenes, I had moved on to be again immersed in the beautiful film. As the scenario stands today, because of modern mass media everyone is exposed to the numerous scenes in the film that are unoriginal and a little search on youtube is enough for more truth. Plethora of debates have been conducted on the worth of the heaps of praises that the film received on its release, especially after its selection as the official entry from India for the Best Foreign Language Film at the 85th Academy Awards next year. The angst voices are stronger by those whose films lost out in the selection race. Sour-grapes or genuine objections, it is a matter of another debate - one that must be strictly done by those who have watched the entire 19 films sent to selection committee for consideration.

There is also an INR 100,000 fee for submission to the selection panel set up by Film Federation of India, a topic of another debate by many news mongers. Some say it badly restricts small and independent film-makers which is really true as India with its bevy of film cultures in almost all major languages produces some great gems that goes unseen because of the dictats of promotion and marketing budgets. However, the monetary standing of such films can not be ignored as the real challenge begins after the selection. The huge costs in the promotion, distribution and exhibition for audiences, critics and academy's selection panel in the required multi-global pockets can be just estimated by the fact that while at present crossing a INR 100 crores earning is being considered a stamp of Blockbuster Status in India, this amount is way less than the stand-alone production costs of major International films and many bigs stars and even directors charge a fee more than this amount, which is equal to a little above $19 million. So its completely futile to talk about selection of small films, unless the Government of India lets loose its purse strings of the taxed money for an Academy nod.

The hugely multi-billion dollar modern-day capitalised entertainment industry is still considered as a thing of 'time-pass' by government machineries at various levels to get them to promote it as a medium of global exim trade. The various film related association still as "Chai, Biscuit aur Gupshup and some family photo-ops and free movie passes for premiere whenever big names come knocking.". The government machinery is not be solely blamed, also. We never see any influence building exercise by the movie-moguls using their big political contacts, the way the top industrialists across the country lobby the opposition to agree to passage of a favoured-bill by the ruling government at both centre and state levels. Even the hungry crow had to put in efforts to drink openly available water in the clay pot by putting stone pebbles to raise the water level.

With the sweet concoction of BARFI being enjoyed by some and turning too sweet success for others to digest, the film has nevertheless crossed all expectations. It released in a meagre 800 screens worldwide when big productions in the country are crossing 3000 screens mark on release date; has netted more than INR 100 crores it is worldwide business and is running almost housefull even in its fourth week of release. In spite of all the inspired scenes in the film, what can just not be ignored is that the film has a story which is original and heartwarmingly rendered with bravura performance by all its actors in rarely seen dedication in the presentation of the characters in depth. Even the inspired/copied/lifted (whatever one might prefer to call them) scenes are so amazingly gelled in the screenplay and essayed wonderfully that they never seem to irritate, even for a staunch critic like me who watched the film this time after having seen the all original scenes in the month passed since its release.

There is a genuine honesty that seems to have gone in the making of the film by one and all involved with it. The music soundtrack of the film is one of the best in long long time with lyrics that really spells poetry and great imagination. Even the  background score (and not the soundtrack) for the movie, composed by Pritam, which is borrowed heavily from the highly acclaimed soundtrack of the French film Amélie, carries the movie forward so fluidly that not once does the audience feel the lack of dialogues for many long durations. In fact, had the film not told in a narrative format by its characters, the film would have been almost dialogue-less with its deaf-and-dumb title character and an autistic female-lead character.

Regardless of assessing the chances of the film's selection for a a nod in academy nomination which is more dependant on the promotion and marketing of the film than its merits of a 100 percent original film (as seen in the shrewd business acumen of Harvey Weinstein in recent years over better films by his apparent nemesis Scott Rudin), at least we can learn to enjoy the little things that we work for and no brood over the big benefits we are too lazy to act towards. And accept that UTV's national clout along with its partner Disney's international clout is probably the best for the academy market.

This season and every season of life and movie awards... Don't worry, Be Barfi! :)

Instinctive Reality

Remember the 'Totem' from the Christopher Nolan's masterpiece Inception? The movie told us that a Totem is an object that is used to test if oneself is in one's own reality (dream or non-dream) and not in another person's dream. However what the movie, which is undeniably one of my all time Top-5 films, did not really tells is how this Totem can actually be of immense importance to our every day life.

Going through the preset phase of my life, the phase of undeniable self-search war inside me, I just realized how Nolan's 'Totem' is something more than the brilliant script of his. It can so very well be the metaphor for our life. Something that can be used to test if we are living the reality that we should be, that is meant for us or we are just (unknowingly) sheepishly living the perception of ourselves which is expected of us who may wish the best for us always but simply don't know what really goes inside our mind and heart.

I don't want to sound philosophical but then again anything and everything about life will always be so, even when it's about the philosophy of being practical in life. To protect its integrity only a totem's owner should ever handle it, so that the owner is able to tell whether or not they are in someone else's dream. Similarly, the totem of our real life, i.e. our instincts, should be handled by its owner individual only. Life is not about good or bad, it isn't also about black or white, it is not about habits too; genetics can only affect our physical attributes but what we think, what we perceive and what we believe is entirely dependent on the life only we as individual live. Life will always be grey. This grey is a normal thing. No matter the motivational thoughts we read, we only do what our impulses tells us, how our instincts allows us to act.

When we were little kid we would just say the craziest of things. It never mattered to us why we tasted mud or followed butterflies or even tried to catch the laser-light beam. When it rained, the first thing that mattered to us was to have our hands stretched in front and catch the rain drops, and not to save our clothes or bag from being wet. The infectious jump in the water puddle was more exciting than having our clothes squeaky clean. Playing with the powdered duster in class and then cleaning the very hand on a friend's blazer by giving him a clever pat on the back. Running for the bus on the ring of last bell to catch that very privileged, very cool second last seat next to back-door. Or even the chase to have the swing to yourself in the games period, something which caused me my denture problem but the thought of having got the swing that time is still priceless childhood memory. Those were instincts that speak the matters of heart and happiness.

As we grow up, these very instincts cease to getting weak for importance to be given. Our decisions and questions take a beat from what we want/need to do to what is 'perceived' to be done as per the norms. The sad part is that the norms will always be static as there will never be many people who bend the rule. And even if there are such people, it will always be 'perceived' those are exceptions and one needs to see the bigger picture instead. However we forget that every norm was actually made when one person did something exceptional and others followed it.

It has never been easy for me to understand my own instincts, one reason because of the lack of documenting of my own activities. It surprises me time-and-again how every time I try to write something about my life (read, philosophical), I invariably get to revisit a memory from past which never occurred to my clear memory. This is what is instinctive. Our instincts never change, it is just that we loose our focus and belief in them because of the concentration on the 'perceived' part, because of the fear of failure we develop - the fear of being falling behind to the ones we have grown up. I know I do fear the same.

We all dream a future for us, it starts always with the instinctive but mostly takes the perceived route because of our fears. However we forget that we do dream that future to make it a reality. It depends on our perseverance whether we actually achieve that instinctive reality we dreamt in first place or fall behind because of our fears to accept the safe path. This is exactly like the concept of totem which feels correct in owner's own dream only. All we need to determine is which is that ordinary object that we can in some way modify to affect its balance, weight or feel to make it work as a totem in our lives.

I, for one, have finally understood that my writing is my totem. However it is still in the process of attaining that right balance/weight/feel; something that will depend on how much confidently accepting I am of my true self, something that I am working on each and every day with regular bruises and fears. Losing my instincts is a fear too. Thankfully the courage in me is more that this particular fear. *ameen*

'50/50': Movie Review

Rare are the moments when you smile, laugh, cry or fight anger and frustration as along you watch a film. Rare are indeed those films where every emotion you feel is not just for some touching story but the emotions as the lead protagonist is going through in every single moment of his journey, even when he is not in the frame. Rare indeed is Jonathan Levine's Joseph Gordon-Levitt starer comedy-drama '50/50'.

Inspired by the true story of the film's own screenplay writer Will Reiser, 50/50 is centered on a 27 year old guy Adam, played by Gordon-Levitt, who learns of his cancer diagnosis of a rare kind with a 50% chances of survival rate, and his subsequent struggle to beat the disease. Adam's cancer struggle  brings out his relationship with his best friend Kyle, who apparently is using his disease to get girlfriends, his live-in painter girlfriend Rachael, who has not been having sex with him even before the cancer diagnosis, his mother who is already taking care of his Alzheimer suffering father and his therapist Katherine, for whom Adam is her third patient.

The strength of this beautiful film lies in its very story that is simple, has got normal people we meet in our regular life and one with events that are instantly relate-able, no matter if you have never known any cancer patient in your life. The dialogues are not at all designed to be heavy or motivating and the protagonist is not at all shown to be an underdog to inspire people. Every subsequent scene happens naturally and every emotion is as believable as it can be. As a viewer I felt the exact way as its lead protagonist, without ever finding the film predictable or clichéd.

The film is embellished with one hart-warming scene after another that you will lovingly recall even long after the film is over. The scene where Kyle talks to Adam about what his girlfriends is supposed to do to him, Adam's first meeting with cancer patients Allan and Mitch and their subsequent meetings or the Adam's surgery scene in the end which brought tears to my eyes. The 'touching' scenes and the nervous breakdown scene between Adam and Katherine bring out their simple yet endearing connect. In fact, I can go on and on with my favorite scene and may in-turn tell the entire film which will be too much for a spoiler.

Apart from the wonderful screenplay, it's the actors who live their characters making its absolutely impossible to even think that there could have been any more perfect casting. Joseph Gorden-Levitt once again displays his perfect understanding of his craft as he lives the character of Adam with his every weakness, every nervous breakdown, every fear and every single smile. He displays once again why he is rightly considered among the best talent of his generation. Seth Rogan as Adam's best friend apparently plays the same role which he played in the life of the film's screen-writer and comes out with a praiseworthy portrayal of a guy best friend as we all would wish to have for a best friend. Angelica Huston as Adam's mom is feisty yet vulnerable enough in a performance that is heartwarming to the core. Anna Kendricks's portrayal of the medical student and Adam's therapist Katherine is fabulously understated and spontaneous that brings an assuring smile to your face. Bryce Dallas Howard as Rachael is tremendous is the small but key role. And a must mention for the Serge Hound who is absolutely marvelous as Richard's Alzheimer stricken father even in the very little screen time he gets.

50/50 is a precious little gem of a film filled with layered and nuanced performances by it entire cast, supremely beautiful background score that adds depth to the story, cinematography that captures the journey of its protagonist with a big heart and a direction that is exemplary enough to let the subject matter shine to its best.

I am going out with 4.5 of of 5 stars for Levine's comedy-drama. It's definitely among the best films to come out this year and a must watch. Go for it.

'In Time': Movie Review

Remember waking up to an amazing dream where you did surreal escapades. You don't really know how you got in the situation you are in, something Christopher Nolan's Inception taught us really well, and when you feel like something is missing when the adventure ends. Watching Andrew Niccol's 'In Time' is exactly the similar experience, albeit in year 2161.

The basic premise of the film is explained in a beginning narration by our lead actor that all humans have been genetically modified to stop againg at 25, but are engineered to live only one more year. A person could practically live forever if he earns time. Time is therefore now the currency everything is dealt in, and every service is also paid in Time. One dies as the time stops. So you have goons who kill others for their time, and people exploit each other while they barter food and travel rides.

Will Salas, played by Justin Timberlake, is a 28 year old factory worker living with his 50 year old single mother in the ghettos of Dayton. Each social class lives in different time zone, with the rich living in New Greenwich. In a turn of events a 105 year old stranger with more than a century in his clock reveals to will the inequality in the time system and the way to reach New Greenwich. He secretly gives his entire time to Will and dies before he could be saved. Charged with murder by stealing time and with abundant time in hand, Will decides to go for revenge for the inequality. At New Greenwich, he meets 27 year old Sylvia Weis, played by Amanda Seyfried, daughter of the richest man around. There is instant attraction followed by abduction to save his life. Now back in Dayton, both are left with few hours to live. How they survive their time, while becoming robin-hood to the poor and pain in the ass for the rich Dad and his army of Timekeepers is the story that follows.

The lead characters and their charisma is what keeps the film working for the audience. There are very few surprises but the thrill element of the film's basic premise is surely catching. Justin Timberlake plays the hot poker faced Will to hilt, and Amanda Seyfried does her bit of being the spoiled rich male fantasy who wants to do something fun and stupid in life to live life on the edge. Cinematography is eye-catching and the razor sharp editing of the film is its biggest strength. Had there been a solid story to answer the unanswered questions about the premise, the film could have been an amazing experience. But alas, what one takes away is a fantastic dream which got over before the actual climax.

Enjoy the fun ride while its lasts, but don't expect to take back home an experience. Like a morning dream, it thrills till it lasts and once over the thrills will be lost quite soon, leaving you with questions about the dream.

A generous 2.5 out of 5 rating is the real worth of 'In Time'. Watch it, enjoy it and move on.