Blank Spaces

How can emptiness be so heavy?

One would imagine a life without an actual job to be empty but there is so much happening in my life that I can not but wonder what and how was I really living all this while. There is vacuum of regularity in my day-to-day life but the emptiness is really heavy to live with. It's like I am finally seeing the world I have made for myself and it's so complex that I am feeling extremely heavy to solve it myself.

Emotions are a tricky world. They can make you feel a whirlwind of happiness and sadness, unimaginable and inexpressible for the real life itself. I am not scared of emotions but I am human and bound to feel the weight, especially from the empty emotions that just can not be shared. 

The recent past, as shared in previous writings, did fell on me today. There are times I keep sitting along my table, in front of my laptop, doing nothing, thinking nothing and yet feeling so heavy that I am not even able to get the energy to scream.

Much of it is psychological, a lot of it sub-conscious but its all part of the one and only life I am living. No respite to my selected loneliness expect the writing I am able to do.

Staying put by my corner in my room, both of which still feels stranger to my soul. Listening to words about me, my eating time, spending family time with a smile here and a laugh there and finally getting back to the same corner in the same room. So much happening yet the spaces still feel blank - heavy blank.

I felt so much that I have started to feel nothing.