Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
All I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah.

I am blessed to have good time with friends, with a little aggression on a religion topic (surprising it was about Ganesha, which is not my religion to be angered for) that I can't even recall, after Nitin wrote apology to me. It feels the same way about Hallelujah; a song I am unable to understand because of my lack of historic knowledge about the concerned chapter in Bible. Yet every time the song has come in front of me, I have felt heavy unlike ever before.

Music and movies keep me afloat nowadays, but even in home time, I really need to have a schedule. Writing can not be a race, for in the end I will lose the perspective when I will look back in history. I can not just keep adding written chapters for quantity; look for quality.

There won't be anymore #MayDay from tomorrow and it must be #DuJour, i.e. #OfThe#Day. It is all in me to create quality in my everyday life, and let the music of life make its course with my actions.

Dog Life

Every species, human and subhuman, has some distinguishing mark, of that you can tell a man from a best and a dog from a cow.

Living in a family that talks more about dogs and to the dogs than they do it among themselves, I changed myself when I couldn't understand or make them understand or even feel about my fears and inhibitions about being left out of the world I wanted to talk, share and cry. And so, life couldn't be more blissful to me as it gave me the strongest opportunity I could ever get, to live a pet dog life, from a street dog one I had been living almost my entire life.

Chuck came to us as the Aroras, i.e. Mona Maasi and family trusted us to be the perfect guardian for their 2 and half month old Shih Tzu while they are on their one month long vacation to Canada and US. From watching Chuck literally shed tears upon being separated from his 'family' to him being seemingly silent and a little depressed because of a change in lifestyle, it's heartbreaking to even think his dog life. All this within a mere 24 hours of him with us and there is one month yet to go. But, that's just about him. There is more.

Never compare your children with others, for each are meant to life their own unique life.

Children are very fickle and sensitive. The life we lived as one is so different from the life children are living in present day. The competition is huge and counsellors and psychiatrists world over warn parents and teachers of staying away from comparison and letting every child find his/ her strength. I have felt that my parents were so occupied building a secure financial future for me that they really missed giving me an emotionally secure present in my childhood. I don't regret it anymore or blame them, because none of us knew what the future will be shaping up because of this. I have accepted the past because present is still in my hand to shape.

I am seeing mom treating Chuck in the most robust, and somehow unhealthy manner, comparing him to the street dogs, and refuting to give him the lifestyle he got at Mona Maasi's place. From getting rebuked, both me and Bhabhi, on being too kind to Chuck, to getting to listen her words, "I will make you human", it's frightening for me. Her words shocked me, especially after constantly getting the words, "At least the street dogs are better than humans". Its confusing, who she prefers more - Dog or Humans.

To think that the most developed specie in the world, the humans, can be so sensitive in emotions, despite having the ability to share and talk, how does a dog feel, for whom, at the end of the day, its all about the hands that feed him.

Chuck is adjusting, but I do hope its all for good. Somehow, I really want this one month to finish off and Chuck go to his home as he is destined to be, at Mona Maasi's home, and may he never get to come over at our place like this.

If this is the dog life, I am happy to be a human.

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayeinge

It isn’t the nicest feeling when you wake up very early and find out that its Gurupurab but instead of being grateful, the thought of “my religion seems to have the most such holiday occasions” takes over your mind.

From sangrand to prakash utsav to shaheedi divas.. I can take them as a burden, as “abhi to gaya tha ek” or I can see every such occurrence a new and stronger beginning of chapters of the book called Life. It’s all in the mind, and will.

I have had my reservations about my upbringing and religious lifestyle, at times very serious one, but it’s also been some time now I am working really hard to make the positives outperform the negatives in my mind and conscious.

Similarly, for every negative in life, there is a positive.

Happiness can be found even in the darkest times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

In this dark thoughtful times, I found my happiness by turning on the light of the television for “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge” on MAX. Apart for multiple reasons to love this film, Raj’s dialogue to Simran’s mother about his mother’s teaching can easily be termed one of the best metaphors for life, Simran being life we imagine.

ज़िंदगी के हर मोड़ पर तुम्हें दो रास्ते मिलेंगे

एक सही, एक ग़लत

ग़लत रास्ता बहुत आसान होगा, तुम्हे अपनी तरफ़ खीचेगा

और सही रास्ता बहुत मुश्किल होगा, उसमें बहुत सी मुसीबतें, बहुत सी परेशानियां होगी,

अगर तुम ग़लत रास्ते पर चलोगे, तो हो सकता है शुरुआत में तुम्हे बहुत कामियाबी मिले, बहुत खुशियां मिले..

मगर अंत में तुम्हारी हार होगी.

और अगर सही रास्ते पर चलोगे, तो भले ही शुरुआत मे तुम्हे कदम कदम पर ठोकरें मिले, मुसीबतों का सामना करना पड़े, परेशानी हो…

मगर अंत में हमेशा जीत होगी

मैं सिमरन को छीनना नहीं, पाना चाहता हूं

मैं उसे आंख चुराकर नहीं, आंख मिलाकर ले जाना चाहता हूं

मैं आया हूं तो अपनी दुल्हनिया तो लेकर ही जाऊंगा

पर जाऊंगा तभी जब बाऊजी ख़ुद इसका हाथ मेरा हाथ में देंगे.

अब सिमरन आपकी नहीं, मेरी परेशानी है

आप समझ लीजिए आपने बेटी बिदा कर दी

अब तो बस डोली उठने की देर है

With a heartfelt smile and thankful heart, I will be always waking up with my Dulhania next to me.

I will be be victorious in the end. 

Broken Vibes

क्या कोई किसि से इतना प्यार कर सकता है कि वह उसकी जान ले ले?

Kahani thodi filmy hai, but then again, filmon ki kahaniyan bhi to zindagi me hi banti hai.

A sleepover in night in just my boxer, as I really wish night time bedtime should be like, for a thoughtful wish to wake up early for still dreamy Sunday Raahgiri in CP or at least Dance Class with Tanzeel Sir and the gang. But despite waking up good for the latter at least, I hold myself back somehow. Call it intuition but it was a start of a cold in the sweaty summer.

I will however never really know how a single down moment, be it in health matter, can really snowball in negative thoughts and vibes.

It isn’t much of a story to tell because every sneeze brought with a negative vibe, one I could not share with mom apparently feeling that she should be able to see and sit me through and the other stemming from her constant words that nothing can ever be good for my health.

How my face look, my body weigh or my muscles bulge maybe superficial when compared to the person I am in and my abilities, but covers do matter for every book – even if it’s a single line reading “Classic Library Collection”. I need to have the vibes be felt from my cover because of the journey I have traveled. No pretension.

The broken family vibes has always been one of my regret, even though none of us is to be blamed – for it’s the first and only life we all living and trying to live without any mistake. No one really knows what journey the other has traveled. I have however started to be compassionate, a better listener and careful yet smart speaker.

I know these superstitions about ‘Nazar Lagna’ is just in the mind but negative vibes spread like wild fire, in comparison to positive thoughts which take time to manifest into positive outcome.

You can’t control not being hurt but you can control who holds the power to hurt you.

Smart Phone Jaisi Family

I don’t have friends; I got family.

How do you define meeting your extended family when the ones whom you grew up with are the ones with whom you never really worked on your relations in past and the ones you have just been blessed as new extended family are absolutely unknown to the life you are building from the past you really messed up?

It can only be weird.

It was always weird, but not anymore, not today somehow. And what really made everything click was not that I worked a lot on the relations but instead I just lived every moment by going with the flow of being myself. No one ever asked me to support Shahrukh on a Salman vs SRK but I just said what I felt and Mona Maasi, who has been the only honest person to tell me why she never loved me, caresses me, calling me her only favorite.

Indeed, it was just a moment. But I lived a life in that very moment, like I have always dream of living life in every moment. I could have cried that very moment but I did not because I did not want to ruin the ongoing happy moments.

My family is amazing, be it the extended family I was born with or the new one I am blessed since my brother’s wedding. I am a fireball but a calm fireball; that is how I like it. My family is smart, like a latest smart phone, with everything that one wishes from the gadget and we keep on upgrading to newer versions and greater technology.

With them, I am being smart in words and sharing. You would think I will regret a lot of misses from the night. I recognize them but definitely not regret them. This is because it’s no more thinking and everything about living.

This is my Happily Ever After.

Crazy Life Panelist

People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

I believe I have to be crazy to watch a 7:00 AM FDFS of a new release, a docudrama of a sportsperson whose sports I am worst at playing or watching, just so as to review the movie on a personal blog for free. Words fall short every time I try to explain this craziness I am not at all finding weird to live; mostly because I don’t even think about having to explain the craziness to anyone – mainly because I have accepted that it’s not my business to think what others think of my craziness, unless these others give me business for my craziness.

Talking of business, the world is an awesome place. Be yourself, no matter how crazy, and the world – your world as you live it – will reward you.

A seemingly random call from Vishnu Sir upon reaching home from the screening, asking about my craziness for films, and making me speak to apparently a senior producer at NewsX to invite me as a Panelist on their LIVE Debate Show on Stars, their Social Media activity and the Stars their Social Media create.

Keeping it all calm, with a major bit of nervousness, I did speak for about a minute and half in the LIVE Show, with major signs of anxiety I cannot lie of seeing in myself. With a humble send off in an office hired cab along with “looking forward to invite you sometime again too” by an intern, I felt like I ruined the opportunity. I truly felt like crying.

But I am crazy and so is my life. What else will explain my name getting a mention on  NewsX twitter account as a People’s Panelist and no mention to a seemingly well known TV actress Akanksha Sharma.

Social media is very exciting: People's panellist, Bhavdeep #ConnectWithNewsX pic.twitter.com/yXId61QK2I

— NewsX (@NewsX) May 26, 2017

 

I can be so better because I am so much better from what I delivered; just need to work most on my apprehensions about my face on screen. Working on my love for films, I will keep feeding my crazy passion.

I won’t hide that I am a Narcissist because it’s the truth. Acceptance of reality is the first step to bringing any change. But I also have realistic goals and I am working on them to attain the freedom from this chained thought too, just like many other shackles of thoughts I have already got rid off or continue to work to live the day to see them come off.

I might be living a crazy world but a crazier world is living with me.