Khoon Chala...

Few days ago, over a casual desk conversation, a friend in my department at work remarked what his father told him about success and failure. He said that failure is not having to succeed in delivering the required effort." The sentence may be very simple and straight forward but so was my remark. After acknowledging the truth in the sentence, I added that the definition of failure is different for different people. What may be failure for one, just might be a learning experience for the other.

I have always, as far as I can recall, tried, if not fully-confident, stuck with "every so-called failure is an experience to improve and succeed" statement. It have never been easy. To be brutally honest, a part of me dies with every failure. I try to 'rise from the ashes' and get back to a new beginning but it has never been easy. Its heartbreaking and there have been so many painful heartbreaks that I have lost the ability to cry over it now.

I try to begin anew, looking to find omens for that new beginning time period. It is sometimes reminiscent of an old history, or with an aim to achieve a particular number of days a goal or just about anything amusing I can film so that I can "equate" that new beginning as "written in destiny". But despite hundreds of such "omens", every failure (read, FAILURE) is killing for exactly one reason - TIME LOST, HISTORY RECORDED and TOO MANY INSANELY AMBITIOUS GOALS STILL HANGING IN PERPETUAL SUICIDAL UNCERTAINTY.

I do know that I am so not the only one facing this dilemma but then again my ambitions are also just that - MY! So I have no right to compare myself with anyone else; lest I am okay with the current state of life that success fails to entice me. That is so never going to be.

So from this very moment - will I rise to the success?? will I make omens instead of trying to find ones?? will I absolutely stop to sound whinny in my thoughts and I writing??

Its all in my mind. Why must I even get myself to be struck at cross-roads of failure and success when there has absolutely not a single moment in my ambitious life I can remember when I did not know I will get struck at such crossroad if I move ahead with A particular thing!!!

This memoir, this rambling of whining thoughts just has to end here. Sit up, accept the face of truth and start making omens. Stop thinking who I want to be, start believing what I want to do. The destination is just future but its the journey that is present.

कुछ कर गुज़रने को खून चला, खून चला..
आंखों के शीशे मे उतरने को खून चला..

बदन से तपक कर.. ज़मीन से लिपट कर..
गलिओं से रास्तों से उभरकर.. उमड़कर..
नये रंग भरने को खून चला, खून चला..

खुली सी चोट लेकर.. बड़ी सी टीस लेकर..
आहिस्ता.. आहिस्ता..

सवालों की उंगली.. जवाबों की मुठ्ठी..
संग लेकर.. खून चला..