“None of us has PLANS to do porn.”
Amy Poehler’s take on Les Misérable and Celebrity Life is
definitely a forever favorite; because I relate to it so much. *wink* *wink*
It’s always been my most confident belief doing porn –
definitely not the amateur one – mean that you are superbly and insanely
confident about your body, your face (for the close ups, listen to Amy again),
and obviously your forever surprising body parts and energy. I, for one, am
always wishing and dreaming for that confidence level. Actions are lazy though,
regretfully.
Like Joseph Gorden-Levitt’s Don Jon, I have never
really liked jerking off to porn. Even in relationships and confirmed upcoming
sex dates, I have been addicted to it. I hate it, no other words can I think
about my actions. I have tried to look for answers why I continue to do
regretful actions and understood that from being a passive person who wanted to
get the hardcore action to suffer the pain, as if I deserved it, I have reached
the stage of being someone who feels low at his own being in comparison to is
failing to achieve. I seriously need the highest insane level of motivation to
build up muscles for the muscle of confidence in my brain and heart.
Talking about watching people for emulation, I remember
watching this particular porn (details of which I will like to reserve for
private consumption) many years ago and how I couldn’t find a porn hence with
anyone as submissive as this one guy, portraying a paid escort, and serving the
master. The skin, the abs, the face, the energy…he was perfect. But why do I
have to think about him anymore?
He was not sissy, neither was he feminine. He was every inch
of a guy in his expressions and in his actions. He was a boy BOY. He just
happened to be gay escort.
That is what I wished for. That is what I still wish to be.
Even if not in a porn life.
As luck would have it, my favorite chance-encounter-porn
among friends also had the bottom guy who was complete opposite of sissy and
feminine and every inch of a guy in his dialogue (yes, this one had a story
with dialogues. Love these kind, LOL), expressions, actions, a man MAN and
having sex with with another man.
What’s the Point of talking about these two?
Today I find out that my first BOY has all grown up to
become this MAN; like growing older from a 16-17 year old twink to a good 23-24
year old guy.
The best thing I have ever and I can ever find out in Porn.
I may fail again in not getting back to the other porn
because of not yet being at the level of ‘most confident’ as a professional
porn actor but this will be the inspiration in all my conscience,
sub-conscience and even unconscious state to keep pushing myself for my future
self.
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